When someone close talks about dying: ask, make safe, stay

This guide is psychoeducational content. It does not replace a consultation. If there is immediate danger — the person has a means within reach, has begun to act, or can no longer keep themselves safe —, call the emergency services in your country and do not leave them alone. Outside immediate danger, a suicide prevention line, a crisis service, a doctor or psychiatric emergency care can be contacted the same day: see section 11. Allow thirty minutes to read.

1. Before you begin

"Anyway, you'd all be better off without me." It went past quickly, almost as a joke. Or it was a message, late at night. Or a person tidying their affairs, thanking you oddly, suddenly at peace after weeks of darkness.

You don't know whether you are overreacting. You are afraid of saying the wrong thing. You are afraid of "putting the idea in their head".

Three things, straight away.

Asking does not plant the idea. It is the most widespread fear, and the studies that examined it do not bear it out. Asking clearly is most often a relief.

A crisis is not a permanent state. The most acute period of danger often lasts hours or days. Buying time is already doing something.

What you do matters, and is not one person's responsibility. You are not a clinician, and you are not on call twenty-four hours a day. Your part is to listen, to make things safer, and to connect the person with help.

Who this guide is for

For you if someone close has talked about dying, even once, even half-said.

For you if you live with someone who is doing very badly and you fear the worst.

For you if a crisis has just happened and you don't know how to support what comes next.

What this guide is not

It is not a clinical assessment tool. Assessing risk is a professional's job, and this guide helps you obtain that.

It deliberately describes no method of taking one's life: that information protects no one.

How it is organised

Part I — Understanding (sections 2 to 4). What suicidal thoughts are, the warning signs, and what research says.

Part II — Acting now (sections 5 to 10). Asking, listening, judging urgency, removing dangerous means, building a safety plan, getting help.

Part III — Over time (sections 11 to 14). The weeks that follow, particular situations, what not to do, and looking after yourself.

Part IV — Going further (sections 15 to 19). Bereavement after a suicide, when to seek help, frequently asked questions, key points and sources.

2. What suicidal thoughts are

They are common

Thinking about dying, wishing you were no longer here, imagining disappearing: these thoughts pass through many people at some point in their lives, often without any attempt. Their presence does not announce the irreparable, but it signals suffering that deserves attention.

They rarely come without ambivalence

Most people who think about suicide do not want to die: they want it to stop. It is this ambivalence that makes help possible. Part of them is looking for a way out, and it is that part you speak to.

What feeds them

Work on suicidal behaviour describes three elements that come up often: the feeling of no longer belonging to anyone, the feeling of being a burden on others, and the feeling of being trapped, with no possible way out. Someone who expresses any of these three deserves to be heard seriously.

It is not blackmail

"He says that to manipulate us" is a dangerous interpretation. Even when words are meant to obtain something, they express real distress, and the risk exists. You respond to the distress, not to the supposed strategy.

A crisis has a peak

Many attempts happen within a short window, sometimes less than an hour after the decision. That is precisely why making means less accessible changes outcomes.

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