Grief: understanding it, getting through it, and knowing when to ask for help

The five stages do not exist, not falling apart is not coldness, and most people do not need therapy — but around one in ten stays stuck, and for them there is a treatment with demonstrated efficacy.

内容简介

This text is for a bereaved person and for those around them. It sets out what research has actually established about grief — including that the most famous models do not hold up —, describes the trajectories that are observed, offers a path in seven movements, and clearly distinguishes grief, which is not an illness, from prolonged grief, which is a recognised disorder and is treatable. It also says what does not help, and why offering therapy to every bereaved person is a bad idea.

This text accompanies you; it does not treat and it replaces nobody. Grief is not an illness, and the vast majority of bereaved people need neither a diagnosis nor a treatment. A minority, however, remain lastingly unable to live: section 8 explains how to recognise this and what exists for it. If you are having suicidal thoughts, if you are thinking of joining the person who died, if you can no longer see a reason to continue, do not wait: contact your doctor, an emergency service or a helpline in your area today. Suicide risk is higher after a bereavement, particularly in the first months. Allow forty minutes to read.

1. Before you start

Someone has died, and the world carried on as though nothing had happened. People were very present for a fortnight, then they went back to their lives, and you found yourself alone with something that has no scheduled end.

Perhaps you were told you had to do your grieving. Perhaps someone asked you, six months on, whether things were better, in a tone that suggested the answer had to be yes. Perhaps someone explained which stage you were in.

Grief: understanding it, getting through it, and knowing when to ask for help

1. Before you start

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Supporting a bereaved child or adolescent